Stone Me, He's Blogging!
Right, all you whingers! I'm blogging! I hope you're happy...
hehe...
There's a couple of reasons why i haven't been blogging over the last month or so - the first one is I havent been this tired ever in my life, and I usually have about enough energy after work to stagger home, eat food and crawl into bed...
The other is that spiritually, I'm finding life pretty hard at the moment - and writing deep, introspective blogs hasn't been tempting, because often i'm not liking what i see when I introspect at the moment...
As far as that goes, i'm more or less in the same place with God as what I described in my last blog, 5 or so weeks ago - finding it near impossible to dredge up the motivation to talk to Him.
Whenever I have prayed, (rare) it's been something like "God please help, I can't do this" or "Please give me some kind of revelation of You so I will want to seek You"... and, not that i don't think that He is helping in some way, but it's been very hard to see or feel anything in terms of help - so I continue round in that viscious cycle of low motivation to talk to Him...
Almost everyone who i've spoken to about this has offered very similar advice - "you need to discipline yourself into spending that time with Him every day" but I just find it SO freakin hard - I have no idea why either - normally personal discipline isn't a massive issue for me, I can eat healthily, get into gym routines (sort of), quit smoking by willpower - so why is sitting down with God for 10 minutes a day so frustratingly difficult?
Now I've grown so distant from Him that when i do sit down to pray, it's like sitting down with someone you knew 5 years ago, and you no longer have anything to talk about. Motivation drops again.
What can I do? Help!
PS hmmm. I intended to write a fairly light hearted account of my last 5 weeks. Then that came out. Pants. Ahh well, now it's there you can flippin well read it! ;-)
posted by BigChris @ 8:25 pm
5 comments
5 Comments:
I just wrote a comment and it wouldn't post! So this is a test before i bother to write it all again!
Aggh...why did it do that??? Hmm...what did I say?
I am in conflict as to how to respond to your post.
One one hand I could join the 'self discipline' strand...and there is value in doing something irrespective of how we feel - character building/perseverence etc.
On the other hand though I think there is a lot to be said for organically developing our relationship with God. Something that i can be quite guilty of is trying to fit God into my agenda. That wouldn't work with an earthly friendship so why do I try it with God? I think real transformation with happen as we start asking God how we can fit into his plan (i think we can get too egocentric with the whole - whats my plan/calling). Also trying to stop compartmentalising our lives...so for you to use will-power to give up smoking..you were honouring your body/worshipping God through that.
I think my first attempt was more coherant - think the horlicks has kicked in! Good honest post tho...thanks for sharing - it's good to know that I amn't alone!
Hehehe well thankyou, i, your resident whiner, am happy :)
i am sorry you feel liek that, i am sorry that i cant make it better, i am sorry that i am not gonna give u ne advice because its not what u need right now. but i am not sorry that He is keeping you desperate, that He has a plan in the midst of all of this. I am glad that you are writing again, i think its important. even if you dont manage to sit with him, write him letters, or just write and vent in general. keeping it all in ur head does no good whatso ever.
anyways
i love you, u know that
x
Hi mate, don't beat yourself up to much these times are part of the journey we all have with God. try to do stuff to end it, but if it doesn't just stay faithful and lean on the prommises He has placed on and in your life already. most of chill!
I tracked you down to ask for info about UCCF applications and the whole process - how it works. If you get any time e-mail me as i would love a bit of insisder info on the whole thing.
If your still thinking who's this freak then think back to Ibiza and a guy talking about record labels and clubbing churches that was on the clubbing team - that should make the light go on.
See Ya,
Nick
Dude,
a night of prayer some time soon?
Just to sit and wait on God - determined to see that through despite the fact that it'll likely be so very very tough?
Think it might help any? or be good?
dunno. just offering a poorly typed thought or so.
wanna see you soon dude - just to catch up if anything. am free most of the time, so if you wanna coffee it up at uni or whatever then holler!
Post a Comment
<< Home