Stone Me, He's Blogging!

Right, all you whingers! I'm blogging! I hope you're happy...

hehe...

There's a couple of reasons why i haven't been blogging over the last month or so - the first one is I havent been this tired ever in my life, and I usually have about enough energy after work to stagger home, eat food and crawl into bed...

The other is that spiritually, I'm finding life pretty hard at the moment - and writing deep, introspective blogs hasn't been tempting, because often i'm not liking what i see when I introspect at the moment...

As far as that goes, i'm more or less in the same place with God as what I described in my last blog, 5 or so weeks ago - finding it near impossible to dredge up the motivation to talk to Him.

Whenever I have prayed, (rare) it's been something like "God please help, I can't do this" or "Please give me some kind of revelation of You so I will want to seek You"... and, not that i don't think that He is helping in some way, but it's been very hard to see or feel anything in terms of help - so I continue round in that viscious cycle of low motivation to talk to Him...

Almost everyone who i've spoken to about this has offered very similar advice - "you need to discipline yourself into spending that time with Him every day" but I just find it SO freakin hard - I have no idea why either - normally personal discipline isn't a massive issue for me, I can eat healthily, get into gym routines (sort of), quit smoking by willpower - so why is sitting down with God for 10 minutes a day so frustratingly difficult?

Now I've grown so distant from Him that when i do sit down to pray, it's like sitting down with someone you knew 5 years ago, and you no longer have anything to talk about. Motivation drops again.

What can I do? Help!




PS hmmm. I intended to write a fairly light hearted account of my last 5 weeks. Then that came out. Pants. Ahh well, now it's there you can flippin well read it! ;-)